Famous Last Words

Again, in my previous FLW I spoke about the pressure of audition week! Audition week is so hectic; the audition itself (generals) is fine and easy. Walk in, do your two monologues, say thanks, walk out.
But this year was different, because it was my LAST general at OU!

I walked in surprised to see like EVERY faculty member, plus alumni students that I had NO idea were visiting. I played Meena from RX and Cassie from Thinner than Water. Cassie (the character) has a pretty emotional ending to her monologue, but it's more interesting to watch someone trying not to cry, rather than crying. So I felt super emotional when I finished, but then my silly mouth blurts "Thanks, it's been a really fun four years" and I start WEEPING, ugh.

Callbacks begin happening immediately on Tuesday and they never end. The FAC (Fine Arts Center) literally becomes your new home for the week if you have a lot of callbacks. I was called back for every show, which is awesome and fun, but totally draining. Callbacks are my favorite part of auditioning, because the pressure shifts a little bit more into play. That's what I'm currently working on... enjoying the magic of auditioning. Rather than thinking of it as an obligation or a "should have to" I'm trying to shift my mindset to being excited about the mystery of it all!

On Sunday the cast lists came out. I'm playing Vera in a new play called She Kills Monsters, which puts me on the main stage 3 plays in a row. I'm completely grateful, because who knows when I'll get to play on a stage like that again? The character isn't the lead, but she's non-stop comedy, which suits me well. The play takes place in both the real world and a D&D game. There's a lot of stage combat, but unfortunately my character is completely based in the real world (except at the very end where she becomes VERA, THE BEHOLDER) since I honestly have the most combat training in the cast, I'm going to talk with the fight director and see if I can slip into some of the fight action- if I don't ask I'll never know!

SO if you're going to be around next semester, check out SHE KILLS MONSTERS. It goes up around the end of March, and I promise it'll be freaking cool times.

A photo from SHE KILLS MONSTERS at the Flea Theatre, where it opened in 2011
AZcentral

Growth Mindset

So, in case you read my last personal post I talked about having some really important auditions last week.

One of those auditions was for this showcase in Chicago. A woman from that market flew in (she's an OU School of Drama alumni) and screened us.

Going into the audition (or really, waking up that day) I could sense that I've really matured over the past few years when it comes to auditioning. Deep in my heart I knew that this was a really important audition, but I decided to look at it if it's just another audition. I didn't let the weight of the day hold me down or psych me out. And when the time came and we all stood in the hallway, waiting for our turn to go in and perform, I took a moment to go to the bathroom and center myself by taking one final look in the mirror. Without thinking about it, I just started to talk to myself and express how proud I was for getting this far, and that I loved myself. It was kind of crazy, and I started crying, I don't know... self love hasn't been easy for me ever and in that moment it was a total milestone. I went into the audition, had a great conversation with the woman, Linda, did my material, and left it all in the room. I walked out knowing that I did a damn good job, and no matter what, I could be proud of that.

After the audition we did some cold reading and then that was it. Goodbye. Our future was now in her hands.

6 people were chosen out of 20. I wasn't one of them.

Which was really hard, because I made a lot of sacrifices and I really cared about this opportunity. More than even some of the people who were selected to go. We auditioned on Tuesday and found out Thursday morning, before class, about the list. We had to perform that day (non-human monologues, and I was performing a piece from Homeward Bound and soooo not in the mood.) and I couldn't stop crying. I was totally upset. But I didn't want to be a baby and not go to class, and besides, I wanted to talk about my experience.

When it came to class time, I felt heavy by the pressure of not being selected. I tried my best to keep from breaking down into tears but I couldn't help it. Trying to congratulate my friends who are going and having them look at me with heavy eyes followed by "I'm so sorry, you deserve to go" hurt like a knife. We began to have a discussion about how we were feeling. Mostly everyone who didn't make it to the showcase said that they felt their audition was weird for reasons x, y, or z. Eventually I shared about how I felt weird because my audition was so (personally) strong. My professor agreed (who had no say in the selection process) that this was the best audition she has seen me give. Sometimes we're just not it. No matter how well we do, we just aren't what they're looking for.

So what about growth mindset?

Not getting this opportunity sparked something inside of me that has been out for a long time. I feel motivated again. I feel passionate again. Taking this negative energy and turning it into fuel is like... the most amazing feeling. Yes, I'm still bummed to not go but I'm not letting it defeat me. My mom texted me the day I found out about the list, asking if I was okay. My response? I have to be. This is the reality of my path. This will happen again! But instead of falling apart, I'm choosing to have faith in myself. I'm choosing to keep knocking on doors until I find the right one.

A personal photo of my class from the end of our freshman year.
Some of which are going to a showcase, and some of which are hopping in my
car Feb.5th-8th and heading to the Grand Canon. 

Reading Notes Tuesday

I read this story because I was really affected by the forest fires lately. I just read an article about the Ripley Aquarium and how they had to evacuate the area, but of course, the animals can't leave.

I'm going to rewrite a story based on the imagination of a fish stuck in the aquarium. The researchers spoke about how the animals have shown to be really calm and normal, so they think things are going to be okay since animals have such a distinct danger instinct. But what if one of the fish knew something was wrong? This also makes me think a little bit about The End of the World because the rabbit was the one to begin spreading the message.

I don't know if the ending would be, or could be, happy for this one...

Photo from the smokey mountain fires
    newschannel5.com

                                             




Twenty Jataka tales: The Forest Fire

Reading Notes, Monday

The End of the World.


-rabbit underneath a tree
-fruit falls, assume the world is ending.

---chicken little???

In a contemporary spin, this makes me think about when one little thing happens in our daily life and we overreact, assuming the worst. We try and run from the "issue" and no matter what anyone else says we can't find solace. Until we find the one person who knows exactly how to help us, and they talk us from "the ledge."


-a story siblings?

-trivial problems... high school aged.

Tracey Young Photography 

The End of the World: 20 Jataka tales

Learning by H.E.A.R.T- a conversation on memorization

So for this week's Learning by HEART challenge I decided to do some research on the topic. After some searching around the biggest topic everyone talks about is memorization.

Memorization is, obviously, a big deal for me. And actually, one of my biggest blocks as an actor is the idea of memorizing. I still haven't learned my trick of the trade yet when it comes to memorizing large chunks of text. Since this upcoming week is FULL of auditions, and of course I picked a new piece a week before hand, I decided to really track and try some heart technique.

The Timer- I tried giving myself 10 minutes to memorize as much as I could. This was an okay attempt, because the pressure of the timer forced to me really focus.
What I Learned- I learned that this is actually a pretty good idea! BUT it's more effective if I break down to smaller chunks. I can then make a block-by-block schedule and it gives me a decent idea of how much time I'll need to memorize.

Writing it Down- The classic "write it down" tends to trick me. While I'm writing it seems like I know it SUPER well! Then I get up to try it and there's a bunch of "ehhh" "uhhh" "um, I mean" that filter in. I've learned that writing them down on notecards (again, chunking the piece up) helps me think of the monologue as A, B, C, etc....
What I Learned- This is a nice thing for me to do before bed. I can't rely on it to get the thing done, but it's a nice way to cap the evening and feel like I've put some time into my memorization work. Can't hurt, right?

yeah, that's a real cute idea.
although, I do have some of them that do stick around...
Winter Springs Arts

The biggest thing I've learned during this exercise was the power of sleeping on it. I do my best, and I feel the most prepared, when I put in a good amount of work every day and then I have a good nights rest between them. I'm not always given this luxury, but it's good to know myself and know how I most comfortably and best work.

Famous Last Words, week 13/14ish?

I feel like this is a really appropriate time to make a blog about famous last words, because this is the last day of Thanksgiving break!

I feel like I was pretty productive with my break, which is nice. But at the same time I could have done more. Where is the balance? In my 3 1/2 years of college I still haven't found that answer.
I stayed in Norman this year. I never go home because home is over 1,000 miles away.
It's really surreal, this is my last Thanksgiving break. Weird...

I think the message of this post is concerning how everything has been, and will be, the first of the last.

Tomorrow I have auditions for the University's spring season of plays. My last audition here... ever.

The last of the last auditions.

I've been going back and forth lately about how I feel in my field. I really want to be serving my purpose in this lifetime, you know? I love acting, but sometimes I wonder if I'm meant to be doing something totally different. I go to therapy, and I sometimes find myself thinking that I could see myself as a therapist... but then I think about how much schooling that would take, if I really want to do that, would I even like it? Then I think it's just easier to stick to acting. But then, if I think longterm, what if I have a really shitty career? Would I regret not trying something different now? Or if I try something different now will I regret not sticking with my dreams?

So I've decided to backpack through Europe this summer. I'll be gone for two months. I've never even travelled outside of the country, let alone by myself. But... I'm gonna do it. I have friends who are also back packing, and we're gonna do fun things like meet up in Amsterdam and then meet up in London to see plays on the West End and a show at the Globe. I need to take sometime to step away from this lifestyle I'm living, just refresh my mind and gain new experience and maybe, who knows, discover myself. If you've read my storybook, you're probably noticing a theme here.

I'm not sure... did I influence my story, or did my story influence me?

The beautiful Globe Theatre, set for an evening performance.
Wikipedia on The Globe

Growth Mindset

This week there was a Shakespeare seminar hosted by one of my professors. All of the senior drama students were invited to participate. It was a night of scenes, monologues, and a talk back with the audience.

Personal photo from the evening.
Lead by Alissa Mortimer, our wonderful professor in red! 

Now, Shakespeare is not my favorite.

Don't get me wrong- I love Shakespeare. You'll never catch me saying that his work isn't the most wonderful and advanced of all the dramatic text ever to be conceived in this universe, ever. But the truth of the matter is that it intimidates me! I'm not a sit down and study type of person, not really, and Shakespeare's work demands so much table time. I'm trying to teach myself to really enjoy going through the script over and over, etc.

So, anyway, I decided to participate because, deep down, I didn't want to do it. I've always been an advocate for taking every opportunity (because if I don't, I'll feel guilty.) but that's proving to be a challenge now that I'm a senior and maybe a tad bit burnt out.

Five of us volunteered. Two of my friends and I decided to do a really short scene from Twelfth Night. I was playing Maria and I had literally four lines. But for whatever reason, I couldn't memorize one of them. It REFUSED to come out of my mouth!

The main reason I have a difficult time with Shakespeare is because of, you guessed it, fear. I fear having to learn all of those lines and remembering them with upmost clarity. Over time I've convinced myself that I suck at memorization. I knew I was going to mess up during our performance. I knew it. I was trying to convince myself, while we sat waiting, that I was going to be fine. I've played Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing. I've done multiple MULTIPLE Shakespeare scenes over the past two years. There was not a single reason why I couldn't RECITE ONE SILLY LINE.

So we start to perform and, wouldn't you guess it, I totally blanked. I kept a notecard in my back pocket and pulled it out, but even then I was speaking gibberish. But you know what- I just kept going. I switched my focus towards having fun with the rest of the scene. But even later in the night, when I performed my monologue, I blanked on a line (luckily I just went straight on ahead because I KNOW THIS PEICE DON'T PRETEND LIKE I DON'T, BRAIN).

During the talkback I made a comment about how I don't specifically find myself to be a very strong Shakespearean actor. Afterwords some audience members came up and asked me why I felt that way, and we shared some dialogue similar to what I'm saying now. One woman suggested that I go back to the start, and that I simplify my expectations of myself. I had also mentioned that I've never really fallen on my face like that during a performance, and a gentleman laughed at me and said, "See! That's your problem! You've got to fail in order to realize that everything is going to be okay. Your students will return the next day and the sun will rise."

Overall, I'm really glad that I had that experience. It was SUPER cool to talk with scholars about Shakespeare and to do a few pieces for them. I'm also appreciative for my floundering, because everything is okay. This lesson taught me that if I continue putting this unneeded pressure on myself to be this great actor who can do no wrong, and can perform it ALL, then I'm going to run into this issues time and time again. I've decided to take smaller bites and work those to a place of confidence. I can, and I will.


"Some are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them..." -Malvolio in Twelfth Night

Tech Tip

This week I made a mistake while trying to edit my storybook. I accidentally made one of my stories a subpage, which meant that no one could find it! While I'm still unsure of how I did that in post-editing, I can help share how to make sure that doesn't happen!

If you're new to google sites, and you want to add a new story AND have it appear visibly underneath previous posts, do this...

Go to the top right, and you'll see a little gray icon that says "Create page"
Click on that, and it will take you to a new page where you can title the new post.
When it asks to put a location, you're going to want to click PUT PAGE AT TOP LEVEL.
To me, you'd think that would mean it would put the post above the first one. But it actually formats the post underneath the oldest. If you click PUT PAGE UNDER _______ it will create a subpage for it, unable to be easily viewed upon navigation.

Extra Reading

I had this video saved from a previous week. WOW! I truly loved it!

Watching this video gave me some ideas for my storybook. I really liked how they (the writers of the film) talk about Ravana. It made me think back to the start of the semester when I first read the story, and how interesting I thought he and his sister are. I typically like to take characters that are smaller or overlooked and try and utilize the freedom that is given when they don't have too much story.

I've been needed (and trying to come up with) a stronger conflict for my main character, Savanna. My storybook is inspired by Sita from the Ramayana, so I think that this is going to give me something to work with!

Lakshmi! Who also makes an importance apperance in my story.
Sita Sings the Blues

Bib:
http://www.sitasingstheblues.com/watch.html

Notes: Lakshmi

I watched two videos on the Goddess Lakshmi.

For my storybook, I incorporated the story The Banished Girls which heavily includes Lakshmi. Because Savanna is at an ashram and I've also involved the Bodhi tree (mostly because I love trees!), I'm considering on having Savanna meet Lakshmi in a meditative state, where Lakshmi is going to share wisdom with her.




Lakshmi: Goddess of Wealth
This story makes me think that Savanna can return home to the states and completely save her marriage, her mental health, and her lifestyle.

Lakshmi: Origin
This helped me brush off my memory of Lakshmi and her origin, which is really important for trying to write her!

Planning Post: Goddess Lakshmi meets Savanna

For this upcoming storybook, I'm planning to have Savanna meet Lakshmi in a meditative state. She will have spent 20 days thus far in the Ashram. I think it's important to also lay out what happens within an ashram,

While underneath the Bodhi tree, during her meditation, Savanna will experience something much more out of body when she finds herself sitting in a grass field with Lakshmi herself. In my previous post, Lakshmi made an apperance as I wrote about the story, "The Banished Girls." Through that experience, Savanna has realzied that she is very similar to one of the sisters in the story, who has been cursed by Lakshmi.

In my previous planning post, I wrote the final paragraph for the entire storybook. Savanna is going to realize that while she's not ready for her spirit guides or the most indepth value of meditation, she is going to find the value of peace and learn that Grace, her friend from the flight, is actually her "soul sister" if you will.

Lakshmi is the Goddess of wealth, fortune, and prosperity. She relates to Savanna because Savanna has come from a fortunate career, bringing her material wealth, but she has lost the value of what truly matters.  I'm thinking that Lakshmi is going to share some news with her.... that she's not going to return home to a job, but an opportunity to rebuild her marraige. There's a piece of dialogue that I'm thinknig of, where Savanna first meets Lakshmi and she asks,
"Wait, I thought you were supposed to have four arms?"


Lakshmi will have a clever reply, something about modern day meditation or whatever, but explain how Her four arms are symbolic of the four goals of humanity that are considered good in Hinduism - dharma (pursuit of ethical, moral life), artha (pursuit of wealth, means of life), kama (pursuit of love, emotional fulfillment) and moksha (pursuit of self-knowledge, liberation).

Savanna's artha is quite satisfied, but along the way her dharma has suffered, and her kama. But through this trip to the ashram (and because of her alignment with Grace's soul) she has succeeded to return to her moksha, which is restoring her kama and dharma. 














Notes on Lakshmi:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lakshmi

Growth Mindset: Nov. 7th

Today's growth mindset is, "Effort ignites ability and turns in into accomplishment."

I really needed this today. It's helpful in the sense of, well, I might as well keep going. There's a big showcase audition coming up and I've been unable to find material that really speaks to me and what I want to show. It's been really hard, because I'm actively looking all the time! I just can't seem to find it. But, I'm putting in the effort. So if I just keep at it, it has to turn up.... right?

A personal photo from 2012,
doing a monologue I was really into. I need some of that good juju!

Planning: One Flew Under the Bodhi Tree.

Bodhi Tree Hawaii

I was never a nature girl. Camping meant sharing a sleeping bed with rocks and dirt and bugs and aren't we told to watch out for those bed bugs? But my time in the ashram has changed me. This all started the night under the Bodhi tree.

Imagine the largest tree you have ever seen. One that you know can't be cut down, nor should it. Here the lion can sleep with the lamb, and I can rest with the ants. Despite there being various birds and creatures cluttering the branches and the sighting of roots, there are no droppings. Not in the dirt, not on the leaves. Which, frankly, made for a more comfortable me.

My friend, Grace, she's begun the sacred practice under neath the Bodhi tree. Her lineage is pure and she's been chosen by the lama, and in return given a Yidam. This Yidam is her guide through the deep meditation. I, on the other hand, have not been blessed with a Yidam. Grace, if you can recall, is a shining light in this world. When I met her she guided me here, to this ashram, to the Bodhi tree. I'm just learning, only just learning, what it means to turn on the light or seek a flame. Before, I wouldn't have been okay with this. Never. Competition is key.... was key. I was the star of the track team, an aggressive, ambitious leader in the buisness field. To not be chosen for anything? Impossible.

But, my time under the Bodhi tree has taught me to breath deeply into the ground. Root myself to the world and touch the waters of deep, deep knowledge. To drink in purity and exhale doubt, aggression, and disease. When I learned that I wasn't ready, I knew in my heart it was true, fighting it would only keep my soul trapped in the dark I so desperately attempted to hide inside. When I breathed in, "Okay" I exhaled, "Why not?" Releasing the negativity of my mindset, I felt the light from deep within warm.

I sit here, underneath the Bodhi tree everyday. For maybe twenty minutes, for maybe an hour. Grace comes nearly all day. I swear, when I look at her, she is a flame. A flame of knowledge and life and stories and other lives far beyond this one. She is a Goddess, full of flame.



AUTHOR'S NOTE:
So, this is kind of both planning and an actual story. This is going to be a type of conclusion to my storybook (heh, sorry spoilers!)
My goal was to help bring Savanna back to the Universe, and I used the story The Banished Girls, in which the sister returns to the Goddess at the end. I love the character Grace, she's wonderful. SO I'm looking at drawing the parallel there!


WEBSITE:
http://www.wisdom-tree.com

Reading Notes

THE BANISHED GIRLS

• two sisters 
• poverty- prosperity 
• worshiping a Goddess 
• Amuna- stops worshiping Goddess once blessed, is cursed. 
• Jamuna- has always worshiped the Goddess. Convinces sister to return. 
• Amuna returns to Goddess, no longer cursed. 

Sacred tales of India 

Tech Tip (for absolute dummiez)

I was commenting on someone's blog and I clicked "sign out" instead of "publish." My whole body went hot because I haven't signed out of this class ever! So I quickly went to sign in, and then I noticed I have SIX google accounts! I spent a few minutes going through accounts and removing those that I never use. Then when I went to log in... I seriously couldn't figure out my password! I couldn't believe it. It ended up being a lower case "c" giving me problems. I successfully logged back in, and then I set the account to ALWAYS REMEMBER ME.

I guess this isn't so much as a tip, but more of a cautionary tale.

Tip- don't be a dummy, remember to save your log in! A text bubble should appear when you sign in, and it'll directly ask you if you would like to have the site remember your log in.

And pay attention to what you're clicking!
Fiverr5

Reading Notes; The Bodhi Tree

• Bodh Gaya
  -The town where Buddha found enlightenment 
• The Bodhi Tree
  -Buddha sat beneath the Bodhi Tree and this is where he attained enlightenment.
  -Produces fig fruits 
• Symbolic for growth towards freedom towards enlightenment.
• Known for wisdom 
• "Roots dig deep in the waters of infinity."
• A tree of refuge, safe from the harms of the outside world.
• The meditation beneath the tree
  -four phases
  -the mind opens like a water lily
  -the mind becomes like water, a drop in the unity of life. 
• Exploring past lives

Wisdom Tree

Le Jardine Imaginare

Famous Last Words, Week 9

This week I learned how necessary working ahead is! I was thrown into being a dresser backstage for the show I assistant directed, which has been very hectic but super rewarding. Did I mention time consuming? I missed the storybook assignment this week because I was in the theatre building costumes and whatnot until I was exhausted. Then Friday morning I got a mild concussion.... whoops?  I went back to check my grade today and I'm still making an A, which was both reliving and inspiring to keep pushing through and working harder to maintain that grade. I need to dedicate more time to my storybook this upcoming week, and I plan to push ahead on that assignment.

But for tonight I'm going to finish up a bunch of extra credit and then celebrate closing my show! 

Robin Huston as Diana Goodmen
(personal photo)
Final dress rehearsal:
Diana is singing about how her medication numbs her from life,
so she decides to dump her pills and go off the medication.
For whatever reason, Robin mistakenly pours the pills into her purse rather than the trash can.
Luckily we caught this iconic mistake on camera!

Reading Notes, Queen Maya

 King Suddhodana And Queen Maya

Queen Maya

-beautiful, like a goddess

-beautiful voice, like a bird

-black hair, eyes like a diamond

-virtuous 

-loving

-wanted happiness for her people

"My lord, there is great suffering in the world, and I look with compassion on all who suffer. I would be helpful to my fellow-creatures; I would close my mind to evil thoughts. And since I shall forbear doing and thinking evil, since I am thus kind to myself, I would be helpful, I would be kind to others, too. I will put aside pride, O king, and I will not listen to the voice of evil desire. I will never utter a vain or dishonorable word. My lord, henceforth I will lead a life of austerity; I will fast; and I will never bear ill will or commit wickedness, suffer anxiety or hatred, know anger or covetousness. I will be satisfied with my lot; I will forswear deceit and envy; I will be pure; I will walk in the straight path; and I will practise virtue. And because of these things my eyes are now smiling, because of these things my lips are now joyous."

"It is well, my lord," said she. "But hear me further. Free your prisoners. Give generously to the poor. Let men and women and children be happy! Be merciful, O king, and, that the world may be joyous, be a father to all living creatures!"

The Life of Buddha, Part One

Learning by H.E.A.R.T

Post Secret 

Post Secret Fan Pop

When I was looking at the Learning by H.E.A.R.T options, I came across the Post Secret book. I actually was given a big book of them, so I went searching for it in my house. I spent like, two hours going through the whole thing. It was really hard, because I would find myself relating to really tough secrets. Or I would just carry a heart full of empathy for the person. The book is pretty old, and I know it's awful, but I found myself wondering how many of these people ended up killing themselves. I hope all of those people have found their own sense of peace. 

Famous Last Words

This week is going to be such lower stakes, because I finally finished and I'm about to turn in my capstone paper! It's weird, because I thought that I would feel really accomplished, but the whole thing has been quite anti-climatic. I wrote over a play that I was just in, because that's what my advisor wanted me to do. I didn't really want to, because I didn't love the role or even like the show. But, I did it. I think that's why I don't feel fulfilled by the experience, because I wanted so much more from it. But it's done, and that's what is important!

Growth Mindset

Happiness Jar

I'm really excited to try this out! I think that it'll be really beneficial in a year. It's so easy to forget about the good things. If I do it once a day, I'll have 365 GOOD things to recall. Incredible! 

Growth Mindset Midway

W. Churchhill
google images

I definitely wanted to be doing far better in this course; I feel like it sets you up for ultimate success!
I was really overwhelmed at the beginning of the semester because I was in rehearsals for a challenging show that was really giving me trouble. I'm also in our actor's professional prep class, which is so time consuming. And I'm taking a playwriting course which demands a 10 minute play every week. I resolved with myself that I would do my best here, and then once I was free(er) I would jump in with extra credit and really hit the ground running.

Then I was offered an assistant directing position for a show I'm crazy passionate about, and I was offered a principal role in a film.

I want to think that I can do it all. But I over committed myself, and since everything else is performance based I absolutely had to pour everything I had into those areas.

I'm really proud of all the work I'm doing right now, but I shouldn't have allowed myself to fall behind here. It's kind of embarrassing; I would miss important notes because I wasn't paying enough attention.

On the other hand, I'm proud of the work I have done in here. I've written on topics completely foreign, learned really great techniques for giving feedback, and have also read really great works and stories. I really enjoy this class!

So, if I've learned anything in these last 8 weeks it's definitely about time management, knowing my own limits, and learning to say no.

Besides all that----

Doing the checklist was really beneficial for me. I learned that I tend to fall into the right hand category, and that's definitely good. I've also learned that I am the queen of questions. We'll have guest speakers come into our pro prep class and it's like I never shut up. At first I was really self-conscious because I thought everyone was judging me, but my peers started to thank me because I was asking exactly what they were thinking. Guests, and I mean some pretty important people, have all commented that I ask really good questions. I stand out in that way, and I'm memorable to people in my industry who could offer me jobs someday.

I had mentioned that I over committed myself, but it was all because I began saying "yes" to projects I would normally say "no". And I've grown from that! I've learned that I love assisting and I'm growing a skill set that could help me find jobs in the entertainment industry besides acting. I have much more confidence in my abilities outside of being a performer, which is really important to me, because that's been something I've been insecure about for the last three years.

Overall, I think my main issue was that I gave myself the option to come back to this class and catch up. Maybe for some people that works, but I've learned that it doesn't for me. So if I'm giving the opportunity of "catch up later" in the future, I'm going to disregard that option and treat it as if completion is only possible in the now.

Tech Tip! Embedded videos.

Wow, who would have thought I'd have a tech tip?! Technology is something I strive to get better with, because HTML is not my strength.

Here's a tip for those working on a storybook-

I wanted to add embed a youtube video in my story. I figured easy enough, right? I copied the embed link from youtube and paste it in the text box.

Of course, that doesn't work.

So, you'll have to go to the HTML button. The next text box will pop up and there will be the text, followed by the HTML of other codes, like a break in a paragraph. Simply find the area where you'd like your video to pop up, and add the embed link there.

And there you go! Easy and simple!

Storytelling, The Round Table

MOM

BEN 

INT:  Kitchen.

The interior furniture and appliances are all white, the counter tops are cut from a fine granite. There is an island center stage, this island contains the sink which is perfectly centered. To the left of the sink is a dish drying rack. To the right is a container used to organize silverware. Downstage left corner there is a round glass table, in the middle of the table there is a large, round goldfish bowl with a single goldfish inside. The water is clean and well tended. Splitting center of the table, there are two chairs. In the upstage right corner there is a refrigerator. The three landmarks should make a strong diagonal line.

LIGHTS UP on MOM who is behind the kitchen sink, attending to a large pile of dishes in the sink. She is a pleasant looking woman, somewhere around her late 30's and very early 40's. She is beautiful yet worn, everything about her is modest yet fashionable.  The kitchen shines in the light and the air smells of pine sol. Using a soap and sponge wand she aggressively scrubs the plates and bowls and sets them to the left. There should be an alteration between plates/bowls/glassware and the spoons/knives/forks. BEN enters upstage right. He's also dressed quite moderately. Consider khaki pants and a fitted white shirt. Walking into the kitchen, he observes the room with an air of caution. He remains casual as he opens up the fridge, taking time to analyze his options. He settles for an apple. Taking a bite, he shuts the door and turns to face his step-mother. He watches as she handles the dishes with an aggravated demeanor. He sighs, and decides to take the bait.

BEN

(lightly mocking) Mother dear...

MOM doesn't answer. She heard him, but does not answer. 

BEN
The kitchen sure looks clean.
(BEAT)
The whole house looks clean.
(BEAT)
So something must be wrong. 

MOM continues to clean, shaking her head in frustration.  BEN rolls his eyes. Listen, he gave it his best shot, right? He turns and heads to exit offstage right, when MOM stops him just before he can leave. 

MOM

(looking up from her dishes, but not at BEN) I just don't understand.

BEN

Understand what? 

With the attitude of a mostly matured adult, BEN enters back into the space with a sigh.

BEN
Understand what, mother?
(takes a bite from his apple)

MOM

How many mothers have to beg their children to have sex?

Exasperated, BEN throws his arms into the air.

BEN
This again? How many times-

MOM
As many times as it takes!
(BEN begins to protest but MOM hammers on)
Don't you want children? Isn't that... important to you- a value?
(Again, BEN attempts to interject)
Wouldn't your father be so... so happy and honored- Honor! Children in your father's honor!

As MOM speaks, she begins to dry spoons, forks, and knives. Without paying much attention, she picks up a knife and, with much force, wraps her hand around the blade. Her bare hand is covered by the towel, yet there is still blood and a mark. With a loud inhale, she drops the knife into the sink. BEN rushes to care for her. These next lines are spoken as BEN guides MOM over to the chair so he can properly look at the damage from underneath the kitchen table light.

MOM
I'm fine... it's fine... just a little cut. That's all. 

BEN
You have to pay attention. You can't flip into this mania, go around cutting yourself up, bleeding all over your freshly mopped floors.
(BEAT.)
(making a joke) You wouldn't like it if I did that, would ya?

They share a soft moment together as BEN places pressure on his MOM's hand. After a beat MOM begins to speak.

MOM
(slyly) You know what I would like... 

BEN
(standing up from his squatted position)
STOP!

MOM
You're always complaining that there aren't any woman for you here,
so why don't you, I don't know, expand your horizon.

BEN
Expand my horizon?

MOM
Absolutely!
(soft pause)

For example, a few cities over....

BEN
(desperate to close this conversation)
It's not going to happen. It won't. It's not. I try to tell you, and you just won't listen. 

MOM
I'm listening. I'm always listening. 

BEN
(sighing, trying to offer concrete reasoning) I can't... break this-

MOM
You're breaking my heart, you know that?

With a heavy sigh, BEN crosses his MOM to sit in the open chair. He takes her hand and they sit quietly for a moment.

BEN
I'm sorry... that I'm disappointing you.

MOM

No, your father disappointed me.
(pause)
Up and dying like that.

They share this moment together. It's a little bit funny, enough to smile by. After a BEAT, MOM continues-

MOM
(softly) 

Don't you... don't you want to have a family?
Don't you want to father the children of a beautiful wife?
Extend the family tree, Ben.

BEN doesn't speak, until it hits him-

BEN
Why are you so invested?
Huh?
Because if we want to be honest here...
You're not even...
(he pauses, unsure of how to say what he's trying to say)
You're not even my real mother.

This comment both surprises yet doesn't affect MOM. After a BEAT she slowly rises and walks back towards the sink. She turns on the water and begins to scrub a new plate. BEN sits idle at the table, thinking of what he had just said.

MOM
(after a build of great tension)
You know....
It's not just you.

BEN
What?

MOM
Through me...

You have a brother.

LIGHTS FADE to the sound of river water splashing. The kitchen set is removed and a YOUNG MOM is now standing center, holding a canoe paddle. 

a conversation
Google images, round table

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I decided to write a contemporary style play based on Mahabharata Episode 6 - Satyavati's Secret, due to the medium of the media. I was inspired by the moment when Satyavati is trying to convince her to son to break his promise of abstinence. I love reflecting on this story, and how much Satyavati really does love Bheeshm. I wanted to try and capture that tender relationship. I obviously changed the names to fit the style. Bheeshm as Ben, and Satyavati as Mom. The play would continue with a flashback to Satyavati as a young girl, the day she meets Parashara.

Reading Notes, Mahabharata Episode 6

Since I'm currently taking a course in playwriting, I had the idea to turn Satyavati's Secret into a script. These stories are such dramas, why not dramatize one? I'll specifically address Bheeshm and  Setyawati's relationship and I want to address the secrets, like how he actually has a brother, Vyas.

In my mind this is actually very contemporary, and quite a funny scene. I think the concept of a mother having to literally beg her son to sacrifice his abstience is hilarious, at least in our society. And, of course, "you have a half brother, he was before you, and actually.... he's a better poet than you'll ever be. And I got stuck with you?". Classic mom line!

Setting: Kitchen
Possible name changes? Ben/Bheeshm
                                        Sara/ Setyawati

I think that this will be a really interesting exercise in storytelling. As a playwright (I don't feel justified in referring to myself as a playwright....)

As a person who writes plays I include a lot of explicit and exact stage directions, referring to scenery, character psyche, environment, movement, etc. so for this assignment I'm going to write much more of that, so I'm still writing within the word count!

I'm learning to practice a growth mindset, which is what
inspired this concept!
Here's to a new challenge!
Google Images, carriekeeple.com

VIDEO REFERENCE: Begin at 1:00
Youtube- Mahabharata Episode 6
Epified

Growth Mindset: Gratitude

GRATITUDE
The Amazing Effects of Gratitude

So, I just closed my first play of my senior year. Let me tell you... it was a real challenge, this play. It started off a little weird, because I was put in the position of having to make a choice. Either accept a role offered to me (Which was Oskar's Mum in Let The Right One In) or be up for two really great shows in the fall, where I could definitely fit into either one. (Children's Hour and Vinegar Tom)
I'm not a strong decision maker.... so this was like, my own personal hell for a week. Do I take the main stage? Or do I take the opportunity for a larger role which would probably stretch my acting ability and allow me to break from the mold of always playing the role of a mother? 

Long story short, I took Let The Right One In. And I immediately felt like I made the wrong choice.
Something inside of my body didn't feel right about it, but I dislocated from that because I "knew" I made the smart, safe choice.

Fast forward to the actual rehearsal process... I was doing a pretty good job, but I was bored because all of my scenes were so short and the script was pretty freakin' bad, so there wasn't much to work with. I was jealous of everyone else.... everyone got to be in movement pieces, or be killed by a vampire, or play in the SNOW on stage! And me? I drink colored water from a wine glass and smoked an e-cig. I didn't even get to die... Oskar's Mum didn't even get CLOSURE in the play! What was I thinking?! And then my director stopped working with me, because he trusted my process and "was the last thing he was worried about". I grew frustrated and by the final night of dress rehearsal I was done with the whole experience. I felt like my senior year was off to a shit start and I was having none of it. Unfortunately, I was stuck in that rut for the majority of our run.

Then one night, after what was a really good show, I made a comment to one of my good friends and cast mate. "It's almost over."
Walking to my car that night, I thought about how this play was her university debut performance. I thought about how freaking cool the show was, even if I wasn't part of the "cool" factor. (It was SO technically driven... it was taken from the novel/movie of Let The Right One In, which is why it was very cenimatic/poorly scripted.) I decided that I needed to shift my mindset. There were two more shows left, and I was going to make it count.

The next night we had our best audience, and that night an alumni found me so he could share about how I (as Oskar's Mum) reminded him of his relationship with his mom. There's a high stakes scene between Oskar and his mum, in which she slaps him across the face and has a short monologue, "You think I shouldn't drink? Just look at you! A savage, a hooligan, I produce this and I shouldn't drink?"

He took me by the shoulders and explained that his mom had a drug problem while he grew up, and that we (Oskar's Mum and I) captured that moment perfectly. He cried, even.

That singular moment, that connection, made the whole run worth it to me. To know that my character made a difference to at least one person was really all I needed. I allowed myself to really change the way I played Mum for the rest of the run. Since I was feeling less bitter and victimized, so did she. And the audience stopped laughing when the officer told her to "fuck off". Instead they found sympathy for her.

There's even more stories of what changed, but I won't go into further detail. How does this relate to the Growth Mindset prompt? I just started finding gratitude. I checked my stupid ego at the door and decided to be grateful to be in such a cool production. I decided to be grateful for all of the underclassmen and the opportunity they were getting. I decided to be grateful towards my director who really left it up to me. I was grateful for feeling like shit so I could learn how to get over it. Most of all, I was grateful towards Mum for finally letting me figure her out. I always felt unsatisfied after a show, because Mum doesn't get a resolve (okay, a lot of that has to do with poor playwriting) but I'm usually always able to figure it out. While I was never given that sense of resolve, I gratefully learned how to live with something that made me uncomfortable.

It was a challenge, because I didn't feel like I reached my own expectation with this specific role. I could be sitting on my couch right now, feeling very bitter but relieved to be done with said play. But instead, I took a breath of gratitude and I'm now happy for the experience. I learned a lot of lessons that I wouldn't have if everything went the way I planned. It's been tough, but I'm so grateful.

A personal picture from Let The Right One In
(Costumes by Lloyd Cracknell)
A crew member caught a picture of Mum while I was waiting for my first scene entrance.
(E-cig and water!) 

Reading Notes C

I'm thinking about writing a story from the POV of those mentioned in Yudhishthira's comment, that would include...

•  thou art the creator
•  thou art Indra 
• thou art Vishnu
•  thou art Brahma
•  thou art Prajapati
•  lord of creatures
•  father of gods and man
•  thou art Mind
•  thou art lord of all, the eternal Brahman

(links left in tact for easy access)

I'm thinking along the lines of Big Brother OR like in Mulan, when all the ancestors are in one place? Kind of like a hub. I also want to personify the Mind, "the Creator", fire, etc. It's a lot of characters so if it becomes too much to handle I'll cut out one or two, but I intend to include all.

Definitely a contemporary feel with lots of common vernacular and slang!

And there will definitely be witty comebacks and lots o' sass
Mulan's Ancestors

pde mahabharata life in the forest

Reading Notes B

Rhima and Hidimba

I love this story. This might be my favorite one I've read so far!

I'm going to remount the story by telling it through Hidimbi's perspective.
(Surprised?)

• begin from Hidimba's entrance 
• cover the conversation between the siblings 
• explore their relationship- are they close?
• Hidimbi's discovery of Bhima.
• explore the rakshasa's transformation into a beautiful woman.
• Rakshasa rejection 
• wrap up with Hidimba's entrance 

scenes from the play, Hidi

-----------
PDE Mahabharata: Bhima and Hidimba

Storytelling with Satyavati

Dear Alice,

 So, a truly weird thing is happening to me. In fact, it's always happened to me. I guess before I get to the matters at hand, I'll have to provide a little bit of backstory. I'm adopted, which isn't really that big of a deal because my parents are awesome, and they definitely stick close to my roots. My adopted father is a fisherman, but before I became basically his right hand girl, I spent a lot of time with my mother. It's kind of crazy because my stupid brother (I have a brother, by the way.) he lives with a king. You see, the king didn't want me because.... well, I'll get to that. So anyway, my real dad is named Uparichara. He's a king as well. What's all of this about me missing out on royalty? I don't even- whatever. I had the most natural of water births, and that's when my current father, who's definitely not royalty, found me and my brother. He took us to the king, who clearly didn't want me but took in my brother... who is now royalty. I'm not really bitter anymore, I guess, that's just how the cards fell for me. I honestly really love working with my father on the river. Being born of the water, it feels like home. I don't want to like, brag or anything, but when it comes to looks... well, let's say that I'm not lacking. Only it doesn't matter how beautiful I am, when I have this overwhelming... this... this problem. You see, I really want a husband. I know, I know what you're thinking... how about a boyfriend? That's just not how things work around here. Anyway, I really want to get married! I just can't seem to find a mate.... because...

well, I smell like a fish.

It's completely chronic! It's not because I work with my dad by the river, not at all! I work by the river so people won't think I just so happen to smell like a fish, but it's the truth! I SMELL LIKE A FISH! I've tried everything. Mudbaths, tonics, perfumes, bath bombs... nothing seems to work.

Please, please help.

Sincerely,

Fish Out of Water






Dear Alice,

 Well, I never did hear from you. Which was pretty disappointing because I was really beginning to lose hope. I was about to deem myself lost forever when, I'll tell you what, just the craziest thing happened. And trust me, I know crazy. So, I'm working one day for my dad. Rowing the boat across the stream. It was a very hot day, and those days are the worst because... I sweat a lot. And it smells like... well, I'm sure you remember, smells a lot like fish. A man approached the boat, got in, I asked where he was headed, across the way (he said), and we were off. I wasn't really thinking about much, just, you know, rowing the boat, when he started (to my surprise!) hitting on me? He said, "A woman so dark and beautiful didn't deserve to row a boat all day long in the hot, hot sun." Do you know what he did then? Of course you don't, but I'll tell you. He took my hand! I was actually shocked, and I hate to say it but my palms sure were clammy. He's trying so hard, like so hard for me! It was... well, really nice. Much deserved and a long time coming... but hold on. Things get even crazier. So we get to the other side of the bank and he's trying to... well, you know, move along really quickly in our relationship. Listen, I'm not a loose girl. But he was just so.... oh! I forgot to mention. He's a sage, right? And he promised me some really, really great things. There's kind of a list, honestly, but I'm THRILLED to say that, with no help from you, I solved my fishy situation! I got him to grant me the most beautiful smell of musk. In fact, you can smell it for MILES! It's incredible! Besides that, I've secured ever-lasting beauty, infinite virginity, and (all in ONE day!) I had a baby.

Anyway, Alice, what should I name him?
I'm thinking Vyasa.

Sincerely,

Satyavati

moving on to bigger ponds, am I right?
Jonathan Perez

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I had a lot of fun writing this one! I found my inspiration to write this story as a letter from some of the other blog's I've visited over the past two weeks. This story comes from one of the very first in the Mahabharata, Vyasa and Ganesha. I thought the story of Vyasa's mother was just so interesting and absurd. There seems to be a theme to my writing, I've written a lot about mothers and female figures of Indian literature. I love taking them down from their size and attempting to create something modern and realistic. Sometimes it feels like a crime... but a creative crime?

I also used addition research from, the most reliable, wikipedia

Reading Notes, Mahabharata Part A

There's something fishy about this...
Wordpress

I've decided to go with the first story from the Mahabharata, because I almost died laughing whilst reading about the children who were born to a fish.

I'm going to write a letter from the pen of Satyavati.

First of all, I'm very interested to see where she is taken within this story. What a strange character! Since I imagine her to be a teenager, I think I'm going to have her writing a letter to something like a Cosmo mag along the lines of, "Why do I smell like a fish? and other needs for advice."
I see a lot of people writing letters as their form of storytelling and I have habitually stuck to writing new, general, stories. Writing a letter will be a much different pace and I think it will provide challenges I didn't expect.


"There was a king called Uparichara, king of Chedi, so devoted to asceticism that the gods feared he was seeking to rob them of their power. They accordingly sent Indra to bribe him with the offer of a crystal car capable of carrying him through the sky, a privilege designed for him alone of all mortals. One day in spring, as he was flying through the sky, his semen fell into a river. It was swallowed by a female fish with the result that ten months after, when the fish was caught by a fisherman, two children — a boy and a girl — came forth.

The fisherman told the king of his wonderful find. The king took possession of the boy but left the girl to be reared by the fisherman’s wife. The girl was very beautiful, but she had a fishy smell. Her name was Satyavati. She often helped her foster father, who acted as a ferryman on the river Yamuna.

One day she was ferrying across the river the rishi Parashara. The rishi persuaded the girl to yield to his embraces by promising that she should remain a virgin. She also made a condition that she should lose her fishy smell. She became so sweet-smelling that the fragrance could be smelt seven miles away.
A child was born, and because he was born on an island, he was called Dwaipayana or Island-born. He is called Vyasa because he arranged the Vedas"

















mahabharata PDE

FEEDBACK FOCUS

focus freely

I'm pretty used to reading out loud for class. Majority of times we are assigned a list of plays to read each week, and in effort to actually complete the list, a few classmates will get together and read the script out loud. I like reading out loud a lot, it helps me put the words into my mouth, I hear them, and therefore recall what I've read a lot easier. But I need to read the text alone as well, or else I'm apt to misreading.

I like the copy and delete technique! It reminds me of K.I.S.S (keep it simple, stupid) and the idea of Work smart, not hard.  I normally take in a story (or research) all at once, rather than bit by bit. I allow my thoughts to build and build while I read, and then I expect myself to remember everything by the end. Which, in a way works for me (since I've always worked that way), but using the copy/delete allowed me to take a chunk of ideas, pop them out, and move on. I didn't have to keep the information or ideas I was collecting because they were all right there! I think this will be really effective for me when it comes to commenting back on stories within the class. I tend to simplify what I have to say, but this technique will allow me to do that while still remaining completely discriptive.

I didn't really love the timer. I definitely see the advantage, and I think using the timer could be a good exercise for me to work with. I personally take a little bit longer to process information; I'm dyslexic so putting a timer on my process is very stressful. It makes me feel rushed, and instead of thinking of the material I'm thinking of the clock ticking and how much left I have to read and will I have time to comment and I can't think of how to phrase this sentence am I running out of time? It just doesn't work for me. I like thinking of the timer as a focus counter, though. I try to budget in bathroom breaks/ opportunities to switch focus so I don't get too bored or restless, so I think putting a timer on my breaks would be helpful. It was a good, challenging exercise that made me think too much about timed math quizzes in elementary school.

Storytelling: Sita Tested

Does she burn?
mirror spectrum

She stood from him at a distance.

"...Rama" Her voice was broken. A volitile cocktail of distress, disbelief, desire. What was this? Surely the trees would melt away, the people would volatile from image, and from her deep sleep she would awake.

Certainly so.
Yet there they stood.

 Facing Rama, grasping for dissolve within his eyes. He moved towards her, slowly. Her right hand shoved in front of her chest. Power surged within, deep from her core. Volumes of adrenaline pumped through her bones as pheromone seeped from her pores. "And do not call me gentle." She stepped forward as her voice broke. "Dare you to call upon me with such language? Such disgrace? Rama," she pleaded, "look at me. Cast away your certainty volatile  doubts and you will see through the things you think you know. " Searching desperately within his eyes, Sita saw nothing. Not a flick of remorse, not a dash of empathy. Rama's gaze laid just above her left shoulder. She turned fiercely, extending her arms towards the woods, radiating a justified desperation. "Did the trees tell you, oh great hero?" Her mock echoed through the distance, it vibrated the lake, the flowers sunk inside of their petals. "This slander carried by the wind? Did the rains moisten your brain now eaten by mealworm? Look at me."  
Nothing.

Sound cut from the scene.

Like a sturdy oak caught in a storm, Sita dropped to her knees. The earth shook beneath as her voice shattered the silence and erupted into heavy sobs. No one dared to breath, no wind dared to gust the surface.

"Do not call me renounced."

Hyperventilating, core crunched, her beautiful face pressed into the grass and dirt and earth. A moment of silence for a woman broken by the cruel course of fate.

Suddenly all went silent with the exception of her labored breath. Sita's internal dialog argued with her erratic emotions, pleading the will to resurrect from darkness and to find an ounce of courage in this gift of love the Gods had awarded her.
Wiping her face before surfacing the harden stares of all that stood presently, Sita slowly rose to her knees. With a heavy breath and a voice that sounded unlike her own,
"Send me to the fire."

She announced calmly, as if her confidence was solid and secure. But the truth remained questioned. If Rama could turn on her unusually and publicly, what confirmed that she would remained unscathed by the flames? The truth she knew within him was dismantled.



"Sita," Rama's eyes were red with empathy. Before he could question her judgement, Sita was standing solid within the confirmation of her statement. "I am well furnished with longanimity. You shall not change my mind." Rama sighed heavily, and she knew his heart was broken, too. "Rama," she promised, "I will not forsake you. You will not be forsworn." Suddenly the wind picked up the end of her words as she circumambulated her husband.

"Inasmuch as my heart has never turned from Rama, do thou, O Fire, all men's witness, guard me; since Rama casts me away as strained, who in sooth am stainless, do thou be my refuge."*

The sound of her spell serenaded the crowd. A small flicker of light and then, as if by magic, a flame split the ground and roared. The onlookers gasped and stepped back, creating greater distance from the two crossed lovers.

For a moment, the fire felt almost inviting. Warmth caressed Sita's back as she faced Rama. They breathed together.  A small bead a sweat began to form on the nape of Sita's neck.

_________________________________

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story comes from Sita Tested in the Ramayana. She is reunited with Rama, but he assumes of her to have been unfaithful. I wanted to retell this story because I was shocked when reading Rama and Sita. When Rama destroys her in front of so many onlookers she breaks beneath the pressure. I feel like I've definitely been in situations "similar" to this. I think we all have. When we're telling the truth and are accused of lying, it feels like nothing can make things right.

*denotes taken directly from the text 
^I wanted to use the Ramayana's text directly for her "spell binding" moment. I thought it was especially powerful and I didn't want to change it.



SOURCE-
Ramayana- Sita Tested